Update: Love, hate, cow

Just a little update, you know.

I'm going to Aalborg tomorrow, since it's me and Peter's anniversary on Saturday. We were going to have a picnic, but it looks like it's going to rain, so I doubt it. I still hope, though. Of course. Or else, we're going out for dinner, somewhere. But in my opinion, the picnic is just more private, intimate, romantic, you know. So I really hope it won't rain.

Peter went home from the festival in Germany Monday instead of Tuesday, so I was happy. There just wasn't any signal there, neither at the actual festival spot, nor at the camp. So I kind of freaked out during my period. And I swear, according to my mood and emotions, this must have been the worst period in a long time, if not of all time. I've been angry and pissed off very easily, crying over nothing, a happy little sunshine and then being angry and crying again. I seriously hate, that this hormone-overload during your period, effects so much on your emotions. I know that's what they actually just do, but that doesn't make me hate it more. Scumbag hormones. So I've been apologizing to Peter the last couple of days because of my mood and mood swings and what not. At least, I realize it instead of being all like "WHAT DO YOU MEAN "ANGRY"? DO I SEEM ANGRY TO YOU, YOU MUDAFUKA? YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!!!"... yeah... so... I realize that stuff.

Oh well, here's a picture I took, of a cow licking my classmate's hand

...

His phone is on!!!
But there's no fucking signal...

:(

There has to be later.

I bet it's because he's at the actual concert.

There was signal yesterday

at the tent place, you know.

I think I've called him...

at least 10 times.

No signal.

Brain diarrhea: I hate periods.

I really think this is the worst PMS I've ever had. I normally don't get PMS, I'm only a bit more emotional when I'm on my period. Now I just feel like killing someone. What I'm I turning into? I just miss Peter a lot, and the fact that he's this far away, that his phone is off, that I can't get in touch with him annoys me. I just miss him so much. I could do almost anything to see him right now. Why did Toy Dolls have to play this weekend? I guess it's better than next weekend. A lot better. I don't think Peter would go anyways if it was next weekend. I hate this kind of feeling. I think I need to talk to someone about this. But I hate talking about myself this way. I guess I'll just sit here and talk to myself inside my head while writing it down so all of you can read it, what a clever idea. I'm just so angry. Angry at Peter, 'cause his phone is still off and I didn't get to talk to him last night. And angry with myself because I'm this angry and I got PMS and I hate everybody right now. I just wish Peter was here so we could cuddle up and I wouldn't be this angry. I miss him so much. He won't be back in Denmark before Tuesday. I feel so pathetic. What I hate the most right now must be having my period and it's side effects. I think I'm just going to lie here in my bed and rot up until Tuesday. I don't want to see anyone, but Peter, but that's kind of impossible. So... yeah... you know. I acted so bad when I called him last night. Calling him, crying, yelling, letting it take a while before I said that I loved him too. Right now, it seems harsh to me. I wouldn't like it. I hate myself for that. I'm sorry! I hate this. And I need to come out with this. It's just brain diarrhea about how I feel at the moment. I need it to be somewhere, 'cause it's filling too much inside my head. I'm only getting angry with Peter because I miss him so much. I'm not really angry with him, now that I realized that I'm just having PMS, you know. I'll try to behave. I hope he'll turn on his phone soon so I can apologize. I don't hope he's angry with me for yesterday. All these thoughts are giving me tummy ache. Or is it just period pain? All I want to do this very moment, is to laugh with him. I miss him so much. Lying on some grass, fighting for fun, rolling around, tickling each other, laughing, loving each other, as we do. I can't wait for our anniversary. It's going to be the best day of my life. I love him so much. I'm so sorry. I love you.

...

It's 2 o'clock, and his mobile is still off.

And I'm still getting angrier and sadder.

Thank you.

Just a week before our anniversary.

Thanks a lot.

What's wrong?

I just interpreted the dream I had this night. I dreamed, that I was with my family and that I could fly. There were a Christmas tree, so I guess it had something to do with Christmas.

"Christmas

Christmas eve' stands for happiness and human presence and therefore act in your dreams when you need to be together with your close ones."

"Family

When you dream, that you're together with your family it means, that you feel safe, but if you dream that there are disputes between the family, it means that you feel unsafe."

"Flying

If you dream, that you're flying, it means that you feel that you've got control over the things."

The only thing I feel like I can relate to, is Christmas. I sure feel needy of being with my closest one: Peter. I don't feel safe and that I got control at all. I feel confused and restless. Not to talk about feeling sad.

In a long time, Peter and I talked about going to Aalborg Carnival which is in this weekend. Dress up, nice company, alcohol, just having a nice time and extremely nice weather. In the meantime, Peter finds out that Toy Dolls are on tour and plays in Germany as the closest right now (they're not playing in Denmark). We're going to see them together in August at a festival near Oslo, Norway, yet he decides to go to the festival in Germany this weekend with some of his friends I don't know, instead of going to the Carnival with me and all his other friends. "This is only once," he said, "Carnival is every year, and maybe Toy Dolls won't play next year or any more!". I know. I know that Aalborg Carnival is every year, but I really have been looking forward to experience the Carnival with you this year. Now I'm going to wait through another long winter, 365 days and nights, to go to the Carnival. We're going to see Toy Dolls anyways in August, aren't we? I see, that you obviously, absolutely have to see them twice.

All this just makes me feel so angry, yet sad and somehow disappointed. I don't care if I'm overreacting, I can't do shit about it now anyways. I've already been crying my heart out and beating the wall a bit, so it's too late to realize now, that I've been overreacting. So what, anyways.

I no longer feel bad about Peter didn't call me yesterday at 7 pm., though I had to call him at about 10 pm., 'cause he didn't even answer my texts... but that he's saying that we can talk later, and of course I'm looking forward to that, then says that there's no place where there's silence and "can't we just talk tomorrow?". Fine, just fine. Well, I hope he's the one to text me today to tell me when to call. What time shall we say? I have no fucking clue.

Just thinking about it...

May, so far.

May has been nice, so far. I celebrated May 1st, first walking with my friends (Martin, Marlene, Sofie and some others) with a demonstration. It was pretty chill, except from that my feet hurt really bad when we were done walking, because my boots are a little bit broken (I will post a picture later on, after this weekend). After that, we went to Folkets Park (Park of the people(?)) and met our other friends there, who'd been walking with another demo. We sat there, drank some beer, had a nice time and when it turned darker and got a bit chilly, we went home to our friends who live together. We bought some more beers on our way there and godt a liiiiiiittle bit tipsy later that night. When it was by midnight, I looked at the clock and was all like "oh my gosh, it's so late, I gotta get up to go to school tomorrow!", so I fell right asleep on their sofa. And I really slept heavy, 'cause Sebastian first left at about 4 am, but I didn't her nothing!

The following weekend, Peter visited me. We didn't do much but relaxing and cuddling. Friday we went to Punks Undead vol. 26, to see our friends play. I only saw them and then went outside to smoke and talk with the people outside for the rest of the evening. Not intentionally, I was just busy talking and was not really thinking about the concerts or about how long I was sitting out there.

Last Friday, I went to another concert with a lot of my friends in Elsinore (ja, kære venner, der er et engelsk navnt for Helsingør). It's about an hour away in train, so we drank a couple of beers in the train and met up with our other friends at the venue when we got there. I didn't see much of the concert, I was busy having fun, you know.

I didn't really expect to get drunk, but I guess when you don't expect it, you get drunk.

Later I went to the door and talked with Viktor and Martin and some guys I didn't know. Viktor gave me this flyer about Jesus and Adam and stuff like that so as soon as I knew what it was, I started reading. Loudly. Don't give me such things when I'm drunk. I went to Elias and some other guy who I did not know to read for them like an insane, Christian person. They asked me to read, though, but after a while they didn't want to hear anymore so they (tried) to leave. I didn't think it was okay, so I chose to lay down the guy I didn't know and was all like "you just got beaten up by a girl, how to you feel now?". So fun. I asked to many people that night if they wanted to fight. No one wanted to fight me, not even Myke! Oh well... it was fun though!

This weekend, I'm going to Aalborg to visit and party with Peter. I'm going there tomorrow because I'm off school/work Thursday and Friday. Thursday we're going to look at this apartment. There's a possibility that we can have that one next month, so I'm excited to see, if it's just an apartment I want.

Friday, Oi Polloi is playing at 1000Fryd, so we're possibly going to get drunk and have a huge party there. Saturday, our friends, who also played at Punks Undead vol. 26, are playing at a bar. Maybe we'll go there, but time will show, but I bet it's going to be a fun weekend!