Smoking

Quitting smoking is easy

- I've done it a bunch of times!

Sometimes, I'm thinking about to quit smoking, as so many other people. But then I think, that I actually like it. But sometimes when I take a drag of a fag, I think: "what is this good for?", why do I smoke, why am I exactly taking this drag, this puff or whatever you'd like to call it, what is it that is doing that I just can't quit smoking, when I'm not actually addicted, though I've been smoking for two and a half year? I can go a day without smoking without any problems, like when I'm at my father's place, because he still doesn't know that I smoke. Or I don't think that he knows. And when I'm with Peter, I don't smoke that much as when I'm with people who smoke, which means I am not going to smoke that much when we're moving in together spring 2012, when he moves to Copenhagen.

I want to quit smoking and I want to continue smoking. Maybe I should just be a party smoker? But I like to have my own cigarettes and I like to smoke whenever I want to, but sometimes I don't even know why I'm smoking.

Why are you smoking?

Why aren't you smoking?

How can my best friend always have said no to just a drag? As I know, he has never touched a cigarette and nor one of my girl friends. How do they do? With some things I am getting tempted too easily, but it's not really with that many things, I know how to say no! It's just the cigarettes... I can say no, I just don't want to stop. Why don't I want to stop? Because I want to want to stop, if that even makes sense. The day I tell my father that I'm smoking, I'll make him talk to his cousin who is a hypnotist. He can be able to hypnotize me so I won't be addicted, so I can just quit like that. He hypnotized my father's phobia for birds away, so why shouldn't he be able to hypnotize my addiction to cigarettes away. Okay, I guess I am addicted. I don't want to be addicted. I want to stop. Not today, not tomorrow, but sooner or later, but not too late. And talking about late, I should be heading to bed soon.

(By the way, I needed to practice my English and enlarge my English vocabulary, so I'm starting to blog a bit more in English, if that's okay. Then everyone can read it. If they understand English...)

Piss off... og så ikke alligevel.

Trods jeg var i så dårligt humør over ikke at kunne tage til Jylland, var det en ganske vidunderlig weekend, spenderet med Peter, en masse venner, tiende klasses klassekammerater, en enkelt ny ven, en masse gamle eks-punkere og lidt mere Peter.

Om fredagen var Peter og jeg inviteret med på Floss med Katja, Alex, Emilie, Emily, Nicki, Kira, Kristoffer, Amanda og ikke mindst Amandas nye fyr Myke, helt ovre fra Portland i USA. Delvist for at hilse på Myke, delvist for at fejre, at Alex var færdig med sin uddannelse. Det endte godt nok med at vi gik over og drak og hyggede på Gammeltorv i stedet for på Floss, da der var for mange mennesker, for varmt og på et tidspunkt gik der en sikring nedenunder hvor vi sad og i det der blev mørkt, blev der kastet et shotglas over på Emilie. Det var godt nok ikke så voldsomt, men alligevel.

Lørdag var der "perlebryllup" ude på staden - et arrangement for alle de gamle, danske punkere der endnu ikke var døde - just kidding. Og dog, stadig lidt á la det.

Der blev spillet noget henrivende musik - heriblandt War Of Destruction som Peter og jeg allerede havde set for to uger siden på 1000Fryd i Aalborg. - Og ikke nok med det, var der heldigvis også en masse af vores unge venner, bl.a. en del af helsingoranerne. Udover det var der også en anden koncert på staden den aften, så der mødte jeg nogen af mine klassekammerater fra tiende.

Det var satme en god aften.

Idag, søndag, stod den selvfølgelig på en masse putning inden Peter skulle hjem (ak og ve). Vi vågnede lidt i 11 hvor jeg godt nok stadig var lidt mut over gårsdagens (eller nattens) loven om guld og grønne skove (I ved vel hvad jeg mener), hvorefter han gik kold. I sengekanten. Og var ikke til at vække - ikke engang da jeg stak en sandwich lige i hovedet på ham. Næhh nej. Men han var ganske vist ked af det morgenen efter og undskyldte en del gange. Alt var tilgivet og vi lå ellers og puttede videre, bestilte lidt pizza, puttede mere og før vi vidste af det, skulle jeg følge ham ned på Valby station hvor han skulle have toget til Glostrup for at have et lift tilbage til Jylland.

Og hver gang en af os tager afsted igen, gør det bare så ondt. Jeg er stadis så nyforelsket, at jeg savner ham bare jeg vender mig om. Og i løbet af denne uge vi træder ind i, er det ikke en gang fordi jeg bare kan skrive "Jeg savner dig skat :( Hvornår ses vi igen? <3", for han tager et lille smut til Sardinien i en uges tid med sit opholdssted. Jeg synes det er nok med ikke at se ham i en uge, men ikke at kunne komme i kontakt med ham når jeg vil? Ak, det er hjerteskærende, jeg ved det. Jeg har det så hårdt (ha ha). Men han siger at han vil ringe når nu han kan. Han ringer i hvert fald imorgen aften, har han sagt. Og jeg glæder mig sådan til at høre hans stemme igen. Og jeg glæder mig sådan til at se ham igen, at dufte til ham, at føle ham, at mærke ham helt ind til mig... jeg glæder mig over ham. Jamen altså... han er da godt nok noget af det bedste der nogensinde er sket for mig, det kommer vi ikke udenom.

(Der skulle stå Peter Alexander og så hans efternavn, men af en
grund kunne den ikke have lange navne på simkortet)

Omegle

Jeg gik ind på Omegle fordi jeg kedede mig bragt og der er denne her nye "funktion" derinde hvor man enten kan overvåge to personer, svare/snakke om et spørgsmål du har stillet, eller du kan være en af de to personer. Jeg var så en af de to personer og mødte denne indiske fyr der ikke havde så meget held i kærlighedslivet, så han spurgte om et par råd og det endte med en virkelig lang, dybtegående samtale, som jeg tænkte at jeg gerne ville gemme.

Question to discuss:

dirty talk?

You: Sure.

Stranger: yup...

Stranger: are you a guy..?

You: No.

Stranger: oh great...

Stranger: lets get started girl....

Stranger: how old are you..?

You: Sure. Like.. dirty in "sexy" or dirty as in "take a bath"?

You: I'm 17.

Stranger: hahhaa...uh you are sure u are 17 right..?

You: Why shouldn't I be?

Stranger: you gotta know what " dirty " means ..?

You: I do know what it means, but we could talk dirty the other way, like talking about things that are actually nasty.

Stranger: aure...

Stranger: i means sure. lol

You: I mean*

Stranger: lol mean*

You: And also the capital i.

Stranger: you know...english is not my first language..so easy on me dear...

You: It's not mine either.

Stranger: really..? where are you from..?

You: Denmark.

Stranger: hey nice, i am from india.

Stranger: and dont dissconnect

You: Ohh, cool. I love Bollywood films and Indian food, nom nom! :D

Stranger: yeah , bolywood is more famous than india , i suppose..

You: Lol maybe.

Stranger: sorry , i dont know much about denmark.

Stranger: hey, you know any indian stars.?

You: It's alright. There's not much to know, except from that we had the best children's story author - H.C. Andersen.

You: King Khan? :D

Stranger: aha..thats srk..sharukh khan..my fav.

You: My sister is simply in love with the manQ

You: !*

You: .. also, she makes the best butter chicken eveeerrrr

Stranger: really.? but do you understand hindi..? and butter chicken is simply yum..

You: No, non of us do. There's subtitles on the movies.

Stranger: oh cool..wow..dats nice..

Stranger: hey my name is aniket , i am 19..nice to meet ya.

You: I'm Amalie, you already know my age. You too :))

Stranger: yup, hey amalie you have a boyfriend.?

You: I do. That's why I didn't talk dirty in the first place, lol.

Stranger: oh..ok..lol. well can you help me with a problem.?>

Stranger: i need a girls perspective on this.?

You: What?

Stranger: its about my "girl friend".

You: Okay?

Stranger: okay..well about 3 months ago, i got my first job...i met this girl there..my age..pretty..very pretty actually..

Stranger: we hit off very well..she said she was single...we became good friends..and i started liking her..

Stranger: and even she showed signs of likin me..one day she said she loves me..and i said yes...

Stranger: but she is extremly flirty in nature...

Stranger: she kinda gels with evry one..finds every other guy "cute.."..exchange phone numbers and even text them..

Stranger: she never lets me check her inbox...one day i sneaked her phone..and saw some texts...those were kinda " dirty"...

You: Doesn't seem like you can trust her.

Stranger: yeah...i know...whats should i do..? i think she loves me..

You: Tell her that you checked her phone and that you know she talked dirty with other guys. Tell her that you want to be with her, but you can't if you cannot trust, that she won't flirt with every other guy.

Stranger: i know..but she is kinda good looking..better than me...i dont wanna lose her...what to do ..? i love her very much.

Stranger: should i confront her., leave her, or just play the game.?

You: Confront her!

You: Definitely. Or else she won't stop.

Stranger: mm..as far as i know her..she wont stop either ways..

You: Confront her and hope for the best

Stranger: whats the gaurantee..she will stop after i confront her..

You: Maybe she will, maybe she won't. If she won't, she ain't worth it, no matter how gorgeous she is.

Stranger: yeah..i know..i think i ll just ler go of her...its hurting me so much...

Stranger: why did she did that to me..?

You: Start confronting her and see if things will be alright.

You: I can't tell. I don't understand why she if doing this to you if she says that she loves you..

Stranger: yeah..becoz she was the one who kinda proposed me..? is she worth.? are all girls like dat>?

You: Not all girls are like her. I'm not, for example. When I have a boyfriend, I stick with him. If I wanted to go flirt with everyone, I woyldn't have a boyfriend.

Stranger: yeah u are right...i am so ..

You: Confront her.

Stranger: oh..okay...but what if she leaves me...? i need her ..i dont think she needs me ...

You: You don't necessarily need her. You did without her before you met her, you can now as well.

Stranger: i mean she has so many friends ...i fear i ll lose her even as a friend...i dont want that

Stranger: i dont have many friends..i love being wid her...you dont get it..? its not that easy.

You: I get it. But you shouldn't ignore what she's doing, 'cause she's playing with your feelings.

Stranger: yeah...she is ..big time..oh ihate her for doing dat..

Stranger: shit..why cant i find a girl like you..? someone sensitive..

You: You can!

Stranger: you know ..she lies looking right into my eye..but. then i love her so much..

You: I can imagine, and I think I know her kind. She can make every man fall in love with her, and that's what she does. But she's so gorgeous that no one, including you, want to lose her... she's the weakness of the man, and you shouldn't fall for that.

Stranger: dats perfect..!!! thats what she does...whats her thinking behind doin such things,>.? what is she getting after doin all dis.?

You: It could be because she actually has a really low self esteem and that it makes her feel better that every man is attracted to her.

Stranger: wow..dats right..

Stranger: u are so right....

You: :)

Stranger: how to tackle her...?

You: You should just talk to her

Stranger: i mean should i just say every thing to all the guys she is flirting around,..?

You: Listen to her. Ask how she really feels. Confront her with what you saw in those messages, but don't argue. Talk about it with her nicely and quiet, and ask why she did this.

You: No, let her do that if you figure this out

Stranger: i think if i do dat...she will die of guilt...wont talk to me ever..

You: Make her feel that you truly love her, without even touching her or saying nice things, but because you talk with her and listen. Maybe that will open her eyes

Stranger: i think she has gone too deep in this...you know once she was holding my hand and texting flirty msgs with another hand...isnt that sick.?

You: It really is. You should either did what I wrote or really just dump her.

Stranger: i think i ll do the latter....

Stranger: but you know what...i want an explanation as well...

You: I can't believe you accepted all this.

You: Yes. And you have all rights to demand an explanatoion.

Stranger: yeah...i guess i m too weak ..i feared losing her..rather still fear it..

You: You shouldn't fear it, 'cause she ain't really worth it. Other girls exist who are both beautiful and kind.

Stranger: no..i am too shy ..she really opened me up...cant imagine being with anyone else...she was so perfect...

Stranger: and all beautiful girls are like dat....

Stranger: atleast in india..damn!!

You: Turns out she isn't that perfect.

You: There must be kind, beautiful girls in India.

Stranger: yeah...she isnt...but i still love her..i hate myself...just cant fall out of love..

You: Don't hate yourself 'cause of that. It's sort of a good thing, just not with her. But grow a pair and tell her everything.

Stranger: ohkay...you know what..i am gonna do that...fuck her

You: Yep! Fuck her.

You: She'll end up alone 'cause she had been with every guy lol.

Stranger: she knew i loved her truly...i think she will miss me...

You: Maybe she will.

Stranger: but i wanna teach her a lesson....

You: But if you leave her, and go back to her you will act weak and she'll think she can play with you again like a muppet.

Stranger: what would you do..if you were in my place.?

Stranger: what if a guy did that to you.?

You: I would confront him, ask him why he did this to me, tell him if he didn't stop this shit I'd leave him without a single tear.

Stranger: and if you really loved him even after all dis..?

You: Well, with love I believe trust and respect follows. And doing such shows you that this person doesn't respect you and you can't trust him or her.

You: I wouldn't be able to live with that

You: They will always tell you that they'll change, but that will last for max. a month, and then they're the same old one.

Stranger: you are sooo right....

You: Art is, to find someone who doesn't need to change at all.

You: Like my boyfriend. He's the perfect one for me. I don't want to change one single thing about him.

Stranger: now where in the world do i find someone like dat..? hardly any girl around where i work...just passed out of collrge dis year...facebook..?

Stranger: where did you find him..?

You: I met him at a concert. We have a lot of mutual friends, so we just started talking. And we talked like we had known each other for years!

Stranger: concert..oh cool..you know the social scene out here is pathetic..and i am too shy too approach a girl...

You: I'm really shy as well. But I got a thing fir him really quickly, so two days after we met I just had to kiss him, also because he seemed interested.

Stranger: okay..i know sounds lame..but what does a girl look in a guy..?

You: It's different. But a girl who want to find love and just not a relationship for fun, looks for a guy who can take care of her. Doesn't mean he should, but he should just be able to it. He shall support her, love her, talk to her when she's upset, listen to her and understand her. Also he should be a great lover.

Stranger: really..? good looks..? money..? this gets priority in india...

You: Looks are rather important as well and money is needed. But you shouldn't be a millionaire supermodel.

Stranger: hmm...i know ..suddenly they find a better guy...and they kick ur ass..

Stranger: even the guys do it...i dont like dis world..very few people like u..

You: Hmm... I know a lot of girls who are gorgeous and trustworthy :)

You: All taken by nice guys, of course!

Stranger: of sourse!

Stranger: like you...you bf is very lucky...

You: Thanks :)

Stranger: you are sweet ,sensitive...smart..caring..and i know you are beautiful...

You: How do you know that? :P

Stranger: beautiful words ...beautiful people...dats a famous qoute in india.

Stranger: *quote

You: Hahaha, alright. :)

Stranger: and i still dont belive u are 17...u sound like a 21 yr old..so mature..so sure in life...i admire you amalie..completly..

You: Well, I am 17. And thank you so much. :)

Stranger: you are welcome dear...and cant thank you enough..not many would have listened to me so patiently...and given opinions so honestly..

You: That's what I do!

Stranger: thank you from the bottom of my heart....

You: You're so welcome!

Stranger: its was a pleasure meeting you amalie...hope to see u again ...sometime in life

You: Maybe, if destiny chooses to let us meet again :)

Stranger: i ll give you a call if i come to denmark... ;)

Stranger: bye sweets...

You: Have a great life :))

Stranger: yup, you too...wow..i like you...

Stranger: damn you have a boyfriend....!!!

Stranger: just joking... bye...

You: Hahahaha