What's wrong?

I just interpreted the dream I had this night. I dreamed, that I was with my family and that I could fly. There were a Christmas tree, so I guess it had something to do with Christmas.

"Christmas

Christmas eve' stands for happiness and human presence and therefore act in your dreams when you need to be together with your close ones."

"Family

When you dream, that you're together with your family it means, that you feel safe, but if you dream that there are disputes between the family, it means that you feel unsafe."

"Flying

If you dream, that you're flying, it means that you feel that you've got control over the things."

The only thing I feel like I can relate to, is Christmas. I sure feel needy of being with my closest one: Peter. I don't feel safe and that I got control at all. I feel confused and restless. Not to talk about feeling sad.

In a long time, Peter and I talked about going to Aalborg Carnival which is in this weekend. Dress up, nice company, alcohol, just having a nice time and extremely nice weather. In the meantime, Peter finds out that Toy Dolls are on tour and plays in Germany as the closest right now (they're not playing in Denmark). We're going to see them together in August at a festival near Oslo, Norway, yet he decides to go to the festival in Germany this weekend with some of his friends I don't know, instead of going to the Carnival with me and all his other friends. "This is only once," he said, "Carnival is every year, and maybe Toy Dolls won't play next year or any more!". I know. I know that Aalborg Carnival is every year, but I really have been looking forward to experience the Carnival with you this year. Now I'm going to wait through another long winter, 365 days and nights, to go to the Carnival. We're going to see Toy Dolls anyways in August, aren't we? I see, that you obviously, absolutely have to see them twice.

All this just makes me feel so angry, yet sad and somehow disappointed. I don't care if I'm overreacting, I can't do shit about it now anyways. I've already been crying my heart out and beating the wall a bit, so it's too late to realize now, that I've been overreacting. So what, anyways.

I no longer feel bad about Peter didn't call me yesterday at 7 pm., though I had to call him at about 10 pm., 'cause he didn't even answer my texts... but that he's saying that we can talk later, and of course I'm looking forward to that, then says that there's no place where there's silence and "can't we just talk tomorrow?". Fine, just fine. Well, I hope he's the one to text me today to tell me when to call. What time shall we say? I have no fucking clue.

Just thinking about it...

May, so far.

May has been nice, so far. I celebrated May 1st, first walking with my friends (Martin, Marlene, Sofie and some others) with a demonstration. It was pretty chill, except from that my feet hurt really bad when we were done walking, because my boots are a little bit broken (I will post a picture later on, after this weekend). After that, we went to Folkets Park (Park of the people(?)) and met our other friends there, who'd been walking with another demo. We sat there, drank some beer, had a nice time and when it turned darker and got a bit chilly, we went home to our friends who live together. We bought some more beers on our way there and godt a liiiiiiittle bit tipsy later that night. When it was by midnight, I looked at the clock and was all like "oh my gosh, it's so late, I gotta get up to go to school tomorrow!", so I fell right asleep on their sofa. And I really slept heavy, 'cause Sebastian first left at about 4 am, but I didn't her nothing!

The following weekend, Peter visited me. We didn't do much but relaxing and cuddling. Friday we went to Punks Undead vol. 26, to see our friends play. I only saw them and then went outside to smoke and talk with the people outside for the rest of the evening. Not intentionally, I was just busy talking and was not really thinking about the concerts or about how long I was sitting out there.

Last Friday, I went to another concert with a lot of my friends in Elsinore (ja, kære venner, der er et engelsk navnt for Helsingør). It's about an hour away in train, so we drank a couple of beers in the train and met up with our other friends at the venue when we got there. I didn't see much of the concert, I was busy having fun, you know.

I didn't really expect to get drunk, but I guess when you don't expect it, you get drunk.

Later I went to the door and talked with Viktor and Martin and some guys I didn't know. Viktor gave me this flyer about Jesus and Adam and stuff like that so as soon as I knew what it was, I started reading. Loudly. Don't give me such things when I'm drunk. I went to Elias and some other guy who I did not know to read for them like an insane, Christian person. They asked me to read, though, but after a while they didn't want to hear anymore so they (tried) to leave. I didn't think it was okay, so I chose to lay down the guy I didn't know and was all like "you just got beaten up by a girl, how to you feel now?". So fun. I asked to many people that night if they wanted to fight. No one wanted to fight me, not even Myke! Oh well... it was fun though!

This weekend, I'm going to Aalborg to visit and party with Peter. I'm going there tomorrow because I'm off school/work Thursday and Friday. Thursday we're going to look at this apartment. There's a possibility that we can have that one next month, so I'm excited to see, if it's just an apartment I want.

Friday, Oi Polloi is playing at 1000Fryd, so we're possibly going to get drunk and have a huge party there. Saturday, our friends, who also played at Punks Undead vol. 26, are playing at a bar. Maybe we'll go there, but time will show, but I bet it's going to be a fun weekend!

Punk & Disorderly, Berlin

Longer story... a bit shorter.

Thursday: Waking up very early to get to the bus in time. Walking aboard the bus, Business Class. Arriving to the ferry. Getting on the ferry. Walking restless around. Going to the BorderShop. Buys cheap booze. Neat Rostock Harbor, have to get back on the bus. Driving, waiting. Arriving to Berlin ZOB. Taking the train to Alexander Platz. Train stops unreasonable (wouldn't be if I understood German perfectly). Trying to walk to Alexander Platz. End up on Checkpoint Charle and gives up, taking a bus instead. Sitting there for a bit, drinking some beer, laughing at people. Decides to go to Köpi to wait for Peter's friend Martin (who said he had a place in Köpi we could sleep). Waiting. It's about 7 pm. Going to a net café to see if Martin answered, he gave us a number for Anders who'd be in Berlin in the evening. Going back to Alexander Platz to meet other punks to hear if the know a place where we can sleep. Staying with them for some hours. Drinking. Smoking. Drunk, German guy named Ole and punky guy called Stuppy(?) takes us with them to show us the free sleep in they know. Arriving. Getting free food there. Talking with people. It's about 10 pm. Going to the sleep in-rooms. Getting sheets. Sitting and cuddling for an hour or so. Go to bed.

Friday: Wake up at 8 am. Slept well, yet terribly because some girl kept coughing the whole night. Going next door to wake up Peter. I missed him. Cuddling for a minute. I go back to my room and sleep the extra hour before we have to get up. So does Peter. Waking up again. Packing our stuff and get dressed. Buys some beer. Meeting up with Anders, Magi, Swedish guy named Linus and some strange vegan girl, carrying some dirty carrots. Trying to find place to sit and drink beer. It rained insanely the night before, so everything was wet. End up between Park In Hotel and Galeria Kaufhof. Sitting there, having fun. Magi goes for a shit. Someone is walking around with a camera, interviewing people passing by. Anders and Linus is dancing in the background. Magi is still borrowing the toilet in Galeria Kaufhof. I go for shit. I come back. Magi is still gone. Peter go inside to find him. Finds him and come back after about 15 minutes. Drinking cheap beer. Going back to the sleep in-place. Eating free brunch. Stuppy and a sober Ole is there as well. Cuts our hair. Putting up our mohawks. I put on some makeup as well. We go to the Central Station to leave our bag there so we don't have to carry it around. Trying to find the festival place. The weather is nice now. Finding where it's supposed to be, yet a bit early so the doors are not open. Sitting in the sun, drinking our beer and booze. Meeting Ane, our girl friend back from Denmark. She's on a "study" trip over the weekend. More like party-shopping weekend. Sit with them, drinking, having a laugh. They have to go. Time is going. It's getting darker. A lot of other people are arriving to the festival spot. We go over there to talk with someone and to find a place to sleep. Peter meets this maybe about 40 year old half-drunk punk who say's we can sleep at his place. Peter gets his number so we can call him later. Having a party. Meeting some skins from Barcelona. Partying with them. Meeting this awesome Swedish guy. Sitting and partying with him. Missing everything but 20 minutes of the last concert that day. Partying with other punks and skins.
Saturday: We're sleepy. Peter calls that old punk. He says he's there in 3 hours. Some other Germans hear us, telling us they have an extra bed back at their hostel room. They want to party all night. We want to sleep. They want our passports so they know we're not gonna steal their stuff while they're partying. They're not getting our passports. Peter is discussing with them. I'm drunk and sad. They are trying to be manipulating. We end up leaving. Peter calls the drunk old punk again. He's even more drunk. He says he'll meet us in an hour at the station by the festival. We meet him about 1½ hour later. It's about 3-4 am. We meet Anders and Linus at the station. Magi is gone. Old punk arrives and a cap, but do not have enough money so we can drive to his flat. We start walking. Walking down this long, long road. Turning right, walking a bit down this other long road. Going into this park. Turning left. Walking. Turning left again. Going outside the park. Asking him where the hell he's taking us to. He says something about his brother. Turning left. Walking to the end of the other long road. Turning left. Get to another opening of the park. Giving up. Leaving the old punk, who is clearly too drunk to find his own flat. It's about 6 or 7 in the morning. Walking restless around, taking some trains. Ends up on Alexander Platz station. Sitting there. Falling a bit asleep. Police is throwing us away. Magi calls. He was at a bar all night. Meets up with him at Köpi. Some other (annoying) fellas from the festival was there too. They made a fire so we could get heated up. Peter and I falls asleep on a bench. It's about 8 am. It's about 9 am when we wake up. This guy is telling us that there's this cheap A&O Hostel just 100 meters down the street. We know. We don't care, we take the money out of the budget and get the cheapest room they have. We go there. We undress and fall asleep. It's about 3 pm when we wake up. I have terrible hangovers. Peter goes down to buy something to drink and some food. I keep on sleeping. It's about 4 when he comes back. We eat and drink. I get dressed. We go to the Central Station to get our bag. Putting the key in the wrong locker. Getting some help. Going back to the hostel with the bag. I put on some makeup. We go to the festival, having a nice time and a bit of a party with our new Spanish friends.

Sunday: Party. Going home when it's about 2 am, I think. Just a minute before the train is leaving, a lot of people come in to it. With loud music. There's some of a party in that train. I videotaped it. We get home. Sleeping. Waking up at 9-10 am because this Chinese guy tells us to check out. I made a mistake on the check-in-paper because I was so tired and half-drunk and sad and just wanted to get off my boots and sleep. We go down, get it corrected, go back to bed. Wake up. I take a nice, hot shower. Just what I needed. We get dressed, I put on makeup. We go to Alexander Platz to get some noodles. We walk around, buy some beer and sit for a little while. We go to the festival spot rather early, maybe around 5 pm. Anders and Linus is there. Magi is gone again. We sit there, drink a little. That awesome Swedish guy, Timm, comes back. He's even more drunk than the night we met him. He and a friend drank 2 liters of Jägermeister. We're having fun. I'm in a lot better mood than the day before. More people are coming, we talk to some of them (like this fucking annoying Russian guy). We go inside the festival when Vice Squad is about to play. Peter and I are up in the front. I think we were the craziest people right there, the biggest fans of Vice Squad. They didn't seem very well-known for all the others. Peter gets their set list, I get the bassist's beer. I get mad at Peter. I'm not going to write why. Spending some time separated.

Monday: We talk about it. We're good friends again. Later on we decide to go home. It's about 2 again, I think. We go to the station. We take the train. We get home. We fall asleep. We wake up at 9, I think. We had to check out at 10 am. We get ready and leave. We go to Alexander Platz. We sit there for a couple of hours, not really doing anything. We buy some Chinese food and go to Berlin ZOB, the place the our bus is picking us up. Our bus picks us up at 3:15 pm. We're driving. Arriving to the harbor. Going onto the ferry. I'm getting sick, starting to have a bad cold. But it's alright. I had a nice time with Peter.